The Importance of Being Yourself
We all need the space to be ourselves.
To breathe. To create. To evolve. To communicate.
But can you be yourself at work?
Starting my latest role as a Product Lead, I thought I had accumulated enough experience (after 10 years!) to avoid being considered unprofessional because:
- I smile too much.
- I am a woman.
- I have a high-pitched voice.
- I tend to disagree when others agree.
- I have a dark humour.
- I sometimes wear funky clothes.
These are all things that were said to me at different points in my career.
Individually, they seemed small. Almost dismissible.
Together, they quietly shaped my whole perception of self. So my strategy when starting a new job was crystal clear:
- Focus on the job, and the job only.
- Be friendly, but not too much.
- Make everyone feel heard without getting involved.
- Tone down the humour.
- Wear clothes without personality.
Unfortunately, I was still a woman with a high-pitched voice that disagreed.
But the rest of the list? Eliminated!
From the outside, it all worked. I was composed, measured, professional. Harder to read.
I avoided deeper social interactions, socializing events and I stayed out of anything that felt even remotely too personal.
Inside, it felt different.
Conversations became something I prepared for, not something I enjoyed.
I started filtering thoughts before I even fully formed them.
Sometimes I would leave a meeting and realize I hadn’t said a single thing I actually wanted. Not because I didn’t have an opinion. But because I had already decided it was better not to.
I told myself this was maturity.
That this is what growth looks like.
This is how people get to do their job without being too invested and too vulnerable.
But slowly, something else started happening.
My personality didn’t just stay hidden. It became… harder to access?
The humour didn’t come as naturally. The quick reactions softened into careful ones. Even outside of work, I noticed myself hesitating and questioning myself more.
For nine hours a day, I was someone else. But the remaining hours were not long enough to pull myself back.
The hardest part?
It worked.
I avoided conflict. I avoided being judged. I avoided being reduced to things that had nothing to do with my work.
I also avoided being seen.
Recently, I went to a team-building. Among the people I work with every day, there was also someone who has known me for over 10 years.
We ended up in the same company, working in different departments. A colleague who knows the real me, sitting next to me at a company event.
And something shifted.
I became the same outspoken, loud, witty woman I was years ago. I laughed without checking who was listening. I disagreed without softening it three times first.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off me, like I could fly. It was like meeting an old best friend, where the best friend was myself.
I noticed straight away that people divided into two categories:
- Those that gravitated towards our energy.
- And those who judged instantly.
I used to laugh at the people in the second category for years, until I stopped feeling confident enough to bear it.
The odd thing was—nothing about the environment had fundamentally changed.
The same people.
The same dynamics. But I wasn’t alone in the room anymore.
And it turned out I didn’t lose the ability to be myself.
I just lost the sense that it was safe to.
As I relaxed—even a little—others did as well. Different opinions surfaced. More honest reactions. I could find people who were my crowd by simply showing my true face. Nothing dramatic. But something was moving.
We talk a lot about creating safe spaces. It seems like an obvious, almost overused expression these days—but only now did I fully realize how much harm can come from the lack of it.
I used to be the one able to create safe space for myself and others—but at some stage it became too messy and exhausting to maintain.
It can take as little as one person who shows up as they are. I always liked to be that person for other people. But first, you need to have enough courage for yourself.
It made me think:
- Maybe authenticity isn’t just personal.
- Maybe it’s contagious.
And maybe what we call “professionalism” sometimes quietly asks people to disconnect from themselves—and then wonders why things feel flat, slow, or forced.
Because it turns out, after all the effort it takes to protect yourself,
what you need the most…
is the courage to stop.
With love,
Zuzana
I chose to be vulnerable in this essay and share my personal experience. By doing so, I did not want to interrupt it with external resources on this topic.
But if someone wants to go deeper, I recommend the following:
- Amy Edmondson — The Fearless Organization
- Ritu Bhasin — The Authenticity Principle
- Robert Kegan & Lisa L. Lahey — An Everyone Culture
Bonus: a recently published survey about the gender bias in the workplace (EU Barometer). I am referring to this because I come from a country that scores very poorly in the perception of women as leaders and professionals, and many of my personal fears and blocks stem from gender-biased behaviour at a work.
I drank 4 coffees while writing this post - support my habit by scanning the QR code/click on the link :)